I find myself in the most unlikely place, a strange uncomfortable place where I had to ask the hard questions. I had to be honest with my emotions . It’s a ugly, unsettling place that I found myself. I looked into the mirror of my soul and admitted my fears, my insecurities, the experiences of my past that have tried to unravel me into what they say, what they thought, how they treated me. I was trapped by my real thoughts, not the ones I pretended to have…lol

If we have to play the hand we’re dealt, then why this hand?

Why the pain? Why this struggle?  Why the hardships?

I was looking myself in the mirror but the lens I was looking through were quite blurry. They were distorted by my past, my experiences and this culture. I had to be completely honest, completely poured out and vulnerable.

It easy to believe that God is for you and He is working things out for your good when things are going well-when your living out your answered prayers. You might even feel extra loved by Him. But how do you feel about God and how do you think He feels about you when you are living out a hard season? For me, I think to myself , “if I could experience breakthroughs in prayer, if I could make sense of this hardship, if I could figure out my purpose and destiny, if I could see progress from my efforts and success when I give 100%, if I could receive direction about the things I am praying about, I would not find myself in this predicament of feeling completely forsaken by God.

Have you been there? I am ashamed of myself for not having the type of faith that moves mountains-the kind that perseveres in hardships. Have you loss faith in God because of an unanswered prayer, a situation that hasn’t changed or a season of hard?

In our walk with the Lord, sometimes it takes us being in the “winepress” for God to reveal himself in a way we have never experienced him before.  God reveals His very nature to us in our times of difficulties.When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? (Judges 6: 11-12). I can totally relate to Gideon, if you are with us Lord, Why this hardship, why this struggle, why this pain? WHY?

Delayed answers bring answers with character. -Bill Johnson

Now, I am faced with a question I heard many years ago from a Bill Johnson’s podcast , “Are you going to let the absence of an immediate breakthrough change the revelation of who God is in nature?”. And just in case you missed it, the nature of God is faithful, unfailing, trustworthy, He will NEVER leave you or forsake you kind of God.

I had to quiet the lies by believing the truth, no really believe the truth. Regardless of my circumstances, God is the same, yesterday, today and forever more-faithful to His promises. I was challenged to believe that God is for me in the valley and on the mountain top, through the highs and the lows. My faith and confidence in God should not be determined by my present circumstances-whether good or bad.

We have to change the way we think until it changes the way we talk-Bill Johnson

I am not defined by my cirumstances or my current situation, past, family line, ethnicity, monetary stats,  friends, likes, followers, popularity, people, sphere of influence, man’s opinions, club membership, culture, kids failures or successes, career or schooling, house size, area I live, none of this can validate my worth ,my significance and sense of belonging. These are all sifting sand, temporary, changeable and fickle.

It’s actually quite foolish to built your house on sand but that’s exactly the foundation we will find our self-worth when we build it on man’s shaky, blurry, distorted lens or the highs and lows of life . If we believe it long enough, it becomes the lens we view ourselves- then we fight ourselves in the mirror of life, seeing ourselves inferior and insignifance, thinking God has forsaken us and favors others. The voices in our heads echoing “you are not worth as much, not as special, not as loved, not as talented, not has prosperous, not as...you can fill in the blank.

So I am taking some wisdom from the greatest book ever written:

Let the weak say… “I .AM. Strong” (Joel 3:10). There is something powerful about speaking outloud  I. AM. ‘s

I am no longer desperate to belong . I have re-discovered who I really am, whose I am.

 

My Powerful “I AM” declaration

I am fully known

I am absolutely seen

I am perfectly understood

I am completely accepted

I am specifically chosen

I am immensely adored

I am graciously forgiven

I am exclusively His

I am passionately pursued

I am abundantly blessed

I am justly approved

I am carefully handpicked

I am unconditionally loved

I am favorably cherished

I am uniquely treasured

I am downright the apple of his eyes

I am not overlooked

I am not misunderstood

I am not alone

I am not a mistake

I am not cursed

I matter to God

He is for me

He is on my side

He is in my corner

I am being forged

This is necessary

I am on the winning team

And in the end, WE WIN!

Declaration does something to our future and our present condition-it changes us

-Bill Johnson

 

 

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~Still Becoming~